Thursday, 28 February 2008

Oi oi! What ho!

The mind reels at the wonders of what small amounts of attention and chocolate can do for ones state of mind! Or maybe just mine, who can tell?

Just when I was feeling particularly unloved, mopey and despondent, the chocolate fairy appeared in the form of a technically incompetent colleague and an unknown admirer appeared out of the blue. What fun!

Yesterday, in payment for installing her new cell phone software and uploading her photos, Linky brought me 2 chocolates (been in short supply of late and so all the much more appreciated). Then, I received a call from a random stranger telling me that he’s been ‘getting up the courage’ to ring me for some time now, but would like to do more business with the company so that he might get the chance to come in more often and see me. Odd indeed. Oh, but so totally ego boosting and a lovely surprise! Linky reckons I should get Clive to start giving me commission for situations such as these! Har har.

Anyway, I know nothing about this bloke and I have no intentions of starting anything now, when I’m on the brink of skipping the country. Still, it did me a great deal of good. Now if the same amounts of attention could be lavished…oh sod it…

Ooh, I’m thoroughly enjoying The Arcade Fire and Spoon right now. (Thanks Kelvin) It took me a while before I started listening, but now that I am…’tis very good.

And now, for those wanting to be kept in the loop…I will be applying at the end of March for my visa, I’ve got the money I need together, but was having some trouble showing where it was coming from and I don’t want the Britons to think I’m a money launderer or drug smuggler (and ending up in a Thai prison Bridget Jones style), so I’m delaying the whole thing by a month. It makes me feel a wee bit more comfy as well. Anyways, it’s all getting a bit dull thinking things over, and then going over the finer details again…and again. I just don’t want to have to think about it anymore.

Monday, 25 February 2008

Pip pip and Tally Ho...

I have so much work to do and my nerves are utterly frazzled. Mostly it is due to thinking about my visa, and not so much to do with my actual work. I find, however, that when I get stressed due to the amount of work I have, it is very beneficial to neatly stack it all up in a pile, put it next to me, and then either write a blog entry, call a friend, spend some time messing about on the internet, or eat my sandwiches. And that is precisely what I am doing now. My papers are stacked, I’m blogging and I’m unwrapping my sandwich.

Last night I visited Sandra and Werner to drop off their wedding present and disc of all the photos. She played the video of the wedding that her aunt took, and showed me some of the photos she had developed from the table cameras. We sat drinking tea and laughing until I almost cried over some of the pictures. There are also a few very nice ones which I desperately would like copies of.

Man, but I am unproductive today. Between eating my lunch, dealing with rude people on the phone (have the words, ‘hello’, ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ totally vanished from language???), making a tower of documents, and calling random people over to ask them if they think a particular girl is pretty or not, I’m just not getting a lot done. Consensus on the girl is: she is average.

I’m sure that if I hadn’t stayed up until some bizarre hour email chatting to a certain Welshman, I’d be in fine spirits today. Instead, I’m ratty, with a frizzy strip down the back of my hair from not drying it properly, and finding it very hard not to swear loudly at the miserable old man who’s incessantly ringing the bell outside. Once is enough dude. One ring will wake the frikken dead I assure you.


It’s not all doom and gloom though. Actually, there is no doom or gloom at all. It’s just me working myself up into a total frenzy thinking of the worst that could happen. And what can worrying do to help anyway? So, in this new light, I’m going to get some tea and do some work, isn’t that a novel idea?

Friday, 22 February 2008

Gonna need more wine.

Yesterday I felt as though all was right with the world, everything was exactly how it was supposed to be and I was soooo heppy. Seriously though, I was bouncing off the walls, strangers were smiling at me, customers were complimenting me, my boss was practically begging me to stay on (maybe that’s a slight exaggeration)…

Today, however, I feel like I’ve been hit by a bus. I’m seriously starting to reconsider if I may really be bipolar after all? No, not really. But I am filled with doubt and fear and all sorts of dreadful monsters. What if my visa is declined? What if things don’t work out as planned? What if I’m stuck living with my parents until I’m forty, my face starts to sag prematurely and I never marry? What if I become a miserable, portly, middle-aged woman who frightens small children, and nicer folk than myself shake their heads at me in shopping centres? These are all terrifyingly real things to fear! I don’t want to be that old lady at the club hitting on young pretty boys whilst been laughed at by 18 year olds! Shit, could these things HAPPEN?? Clearly they do, because I have seen it on more than one occasion. Please not to me!

I could go on and on about my list of fears, really, I could go on. But I will save all concerned the ordeal of reading them all and me typing them. Instead, I think I’ll get me a nice soothing cup of tea. And take up smoking and become VERY good at it. Fak.

Sitting in the weekly meeting this morning, my imminent leaving was brought up and the sales director almost fell over and collective gasps could be heard when I told him that I do not in fact have my visa yet. I had to explain that I was indeed living on the edge and liked to be dangerous. Then, back at my desk, the freaking out began. Shit. I don’t like to be dangerous! I’m a play it safe kinda girl for goodness sake!

Right, that cuppa tea and a fag…

Monday, 18 February 2008


It’s bloody happening all over again. How many months ago was it when I missed that crucial moment?? I was sure at the time that I was not mistaken in thinking what I, and everyone else thought. I was almost utterly convinced of it. Could it have been my imagination and in the imagination of all who witnessed it…on two occasions? However, I dilly-dallied and now here I am, some six months or so on, in the same flippen position. And although I’m trying not to think of it, I find myself slipping back into wonderful daydreams, making up imaginary conversations where everything plays out exactly how I had hoped for…then making up a completely different picture but with the same conclusion.
No, I was NOT wrong. It doesn’t help me now though. So really, there is no point in agonizing over opportunities missed. The only thing to do is NOT think on it anymore. No more delighting in my imagination…no more silly daydreams, no more casually bringing it up in conversation. But still! Dammit. Crap. Shit crap. Silly Karen - what a dork.

I’m feeling edgy today. It doesn’t make it better knowing the cause of my distress. I suffer even so. I know it’s stupid. I have NOTHING to cry over, no great misfortunes, no hardships, no drama of any significance. Nothing whatsoever. Life is peachy, the sun continues to rise each morning and compared to the troubles of others, I have the perfect life. Or pretty damn close on perfect anyway. Right…I’m fooling myself, I can’t imagine anyone compares their circumstances to mine and feels envy of any sort or on any level. I’m not helping myself.
Ok, so I do know the exact cause of my woe today, besides the obvious surge in hormones. I’m feeling angry with people who can’t form coherent sentences in English, people who are loud and vulgar, people who lean over my desk and stare at me, eyes half popping out, I’m irritable with myself for been so self absorbed and intolerant when clearly there is nothing wrong. I have so much to look forward to! In less than three months I’m leaving to the UK. I have a two week holiday of frolicking amongst castles and grazing sheep and seeing some dear friends and then I’m off for my training in Suffolk. I finally have a plan and it is going to work! I’m only small amounts of terrified. Still, I wish I could shake this morbid feeling and get back to been excited and eager.
I'll get there.

Sunday, 17 February 2008

The wedding weekend.

It’s been good weekend. On Friday morning Dominique and Branden picked me up and we began the trip to Nelspruit. It went very well with Dominique and me chatting the whole way. I think we really bonded over the past few weekends and we’ve been getting along just great. Dom and Bran booked into the Town Lodge and we spent some time out by the pool sipping on drinks and trying to keep cool as it was over thirty degrees. We walked up to the O’Hagans and fed and had some beer and then met at Sandras parents place. We had a small braai and got a pretty early-ish night, me Sandra and Leah in one bed, and Dom on the single bed. I lay clutching the end of the bed all night with Leahs small fingers entangled in my hair, and fearing for my life most of the night.
Branden, Nix and Seth...the cutest boy I've ever met.

Somewhere along the way.

Trying to keep cool.

Lisa applying Dominiques make up.

We were woken at the crack of dawn by Sandras mother so that Sandra could get to her hair appointment and Nix and I got bathed and dressed and had our makeup applied by Roberts girlfriend Lisa. Dom did my hair and we got into our dresses and made our way to the Bee Eaters Farm for the ceremony. I wasn’t as nervous as I expected to be. I was comforted by telling myself that all I had to do was slowly walk down the isle and then just stand there, and I walk every day without any thing bad ever happening. Nix on the other hand was a little tense, but we did wonderfully in the end I think.

It was a pretty wedding, with lovely people to speak to and I spent a goodly amount of time chatting with Sandras cousin and we do seem to get on excellently. He even very kindly offered to drive me back to Johannesburg on Sunday afternoon as I was going to be leaving with Ruby after the wedding. I had to decline though after thinking about it for a short moment, tempting as the offer was. Hmph.

I do hope that Sandra and Werners married life is a long and happy one and that any negative opinions I may have had in the past may be totally unfounded.

On the way back to Johannesburg

Sunday, 10 February 2008

Madness I tell you.

Last night Dominique and I went round to Sandras to keep her company whilst Werner was off on his bachelors’ night out. If you ever wondered what three girls get up to when left alone for a night with much pink wine, you can wonder no more.

There was much singing, dancing and making up of silly rules, uh, such as the above one, which I'm not going to go in to. It was silly. Clearly. Ah, yeah.

New bright tshirt, but with the same sad message. Apparently.

I’ve been super industrious today (surprisingly, as it’s always unexpected when I actually get stuff done) Yay me! I’ve cleaned my car, washed the bull terrier, made lasagna, tidied up, cleaned up the aftermath of bathing the bull terrier, and uh, oh…that is all. BUT…it really is pretty good after a boozy night out with the girls, sleeping in late and I’m only now going to eat lunch…so…

Tuesday, 5 February 2008

Unlikely scenario

I had the interesting experience last night of dreaming of the most random person. Not to say she is particularly random, I actually don’t know that for sure though. Anyways, no names mentioned, but it struck me as so strange that I would dream of her, that I had to add it to my blog. Silly eh? So on to the dream. For some or other reason it was up to me to entertain this girl while she was in the country. She is rather attractive from what I can glean from photographs, but in this dream, she was a sight delightful to behold. I couldn’t help but like her, even though whilst I slept I knew that was ridiculous. As part of the entertainment I suggested we go to the planetarium for a late afternoon of stargazing. Oh, but the poor lovely creature, without embarrassment, sweetly tilted her head, looked at me and said “what is that…plan-et-arium?”

What brought on the above reverie who can tell? I’m sure I laughed out loud in my sleep though.

Monday, 4 February 2008

Bad day at work?

I'm just sitting here re-thinking the plight of male strippers who have to perform bodyshots on old, fat and pervy woman wearing "Bridget Jones" underwear. I'm scarred for them. I don't suppose it's any different for women strippers who have to do lap dances and the like for ugly dirty old men. Uugh, shudder. I suppose all jobs have their high and low points :) just theirs seem to be particularly low and revolting.

Sunday, 3 February 2008

Hen Night!

Fricken heck. We decided that we will only ever visit Teaze-Hers again in the case of hen parties and that we will not become sleazy old women and frequent the place. Good flippen grief. I’ll paint the picture…

We walk through the door only be confronted with the sight of near naked men milling about on one side and we’re shown to our section of the venue and our small table, the house rules are explained to us and our drinks are ordered. So far ok. On the way through to the bathroom someone (I say someone but it was in fact a stripper) grabs hold of my trousers and yanks me back and starts doing who knows what to me whilst another guy gets me from the other side and I became a Katie sandwich whilst my friends use the ‘scatter in case of emergencies’ tactic to ensure survival. I was released pretty quickly and it was all over with, that, however, was only the beginning of it. The whole evening I was victimized! Every time anything was going on, that’s right, they picked me. I was pulled up on the table by the dodgiest of blokes, I was made to shoot a water pistol at the pretty blonde boy, I was nominated for a body shot, made to rub cream into the same pretty blonde boy, and oh, I’m sure there was more.

Ok, I moan, but it was in actual fact, pretty fun. We had a huge laugh (mostly at my expense) and then went on to Manhattans. Thankfully, nothing suspect or dodgy happened to me there, ooh, no, I forgot about the creepy bald dude who was standing on the dance floor staring at me while I danced...for a goodly hour or so...even after we moved away. That was weird.

It was all innocent enough with some Spiced Gold and shooters and a couple of good sing-a-long songs as well as a few not so sing-a-long-able songs but we happily danced until the wee hours of the morning.

Yup it was good. And if I EVAH become anything like the old fat woman who was perving over the strippers, Noleen has kindly offered to put a bullet in my head, or something along those lines, to relieve me of my misery, and the misery of those around me.

Taryn, Dominique, Sandra, Kaz, and me