Monday, 31 March 2008

Enough of that.

Seconds before I started to type this latest entry, I had to compulsively check my email. I’m not expecting an email from anyone important, and quite frankly, I’d checked it 15 minutes before that anyway and there was nothing there then either. It’s totally OCD but instead of washing my hands a hundred times a day, it’s my email.
Email…is…my…crack. I’m hooked and it’s ugly. There is the little window, minimized in the bottom right hand side of my screen, and that is where my eyes inadvertently go every 10 to 20 seconds. I’m wondering if there’s a little yellow pill for this.

The preacher was entirely preaching to me last night. It was so bad in fact that Noleen and I kept exchanging glances and sheepish smiles with each other. I walked out to the car utterly ashamed of myself. I have a long way to go. Starting with abstaining from tequila and then…dah dah dahm…email.

Sunday, 30 March 2008

Please forgive me if I act a little strange

Mornings like these I feel the need to turn to old loves, and this morning, in the dreadful state that I am in, I turn to some easy listening which comes in the form of David Gray. Now this will soothe a battered and remorseful soul such as mine.

We arrived at the Red Room last night. Again, it’s one of those times that you wonder how it is that you could have been so delayed and how it came to be that you just didn’t ever go before that night? We got ourselves a couch and the tequila began to flow. I hate tequila. The stuff is vile and of the devil. I will never touch it again.

Flip. A few hours ago I was so philosophical, I was a poet, I was a writer and the thoughts, the words and the pretty ideas came thick and fast. This morning, I have nothing. All I have are smudged eyes, a tremble and a solid, sordid sinking feeling in the hollow of my stomach. Questions now replace the lines of strewn together words which filled my head last night. How did it go so quickly? One moment I was happily if not somewhat slowly drinking my beer, the next I was been hurried along and escorted out to the car. I still wanted to dance, take some cheesy photographs, say hello to Candaces friends at the bar. Did I talk a hole through peoples heads the whole night? If yes, what the hell did I talk about and do I need to do some serious apologizing to a few very weary people?

I need a reformation. Why does Charles* come out with us? Why does a boy who is good and pure and moral tolerate such a savage as myself? Is his love for Noleen such as that he would stand nights out with me as well? I want to be good and pure too. But how do I get back to my 16 year old self, and while I think of it, was I that good at 16 even? I’m beginning to doubt it.

*Name changed.

Wednesday, 26 March 2008

Worthy pursuits for later.

After getting in past 2 o’clock this morning and getting up at six, I am still managing to be a decent and functioning being. I’m holding it all together excellently. It was students night at the Doors so we went along to drink and dance amongst the younglings. Coming home, a bunch of us crammed into Nolas Corsa, early morning beer buzz, singing along to the Smashing Pumpkins, and I was so totally happy. I could probably go so far as to say that if I were never to go to another club again and took on a more adult lifestyle from here onwards, I’d be able to say that I did it. I was a young person and I danced and I sang and I drank beer and for just a very short while, I was a rock star. Ok, not a rock star, but you know what I mean.

I think that maybe I will henceforth try a more mature approach. Um, ok, scratch that, I still have the Red Room, and one or two more clubs to experience, but then, after that, I think I might just try been a grown up. I’ll get a decent job, a flat, a flat mate, I’ll cook suppers every night and do my own laundry and stop drinking. I may join a book club. I’ll take up embroidery…learn how to do a dance that doesn’t involve bopping and letting my hair fall all over my face whilst holding onto a beer (one that isn’t poured into a glass either for that matter).

I think to spur on this new start I think I will type up my quotes, clean up my desk and make a to do list for later all whilst listening to something soothing and classical, ooh, with a cup of sweet milky tea. Life is grand. Aren't the photos colourful? :) Rather like the characters one meets at the Doors. These are the good ol' days indeed.

Tuesday, 25 March 2008

Yes, yes he is :)

I am feeling rather merry today.
This is a three day week for me, Friday is D Day for my visa, I’ve been paid and despite been harassed by colleagues relatives everything is just peachy. I’m listening to The Babyshambes, looking at pretty pictures of Pete Doherty…seriously though, isn’t he gorgeous?? And I have a good looking week stretched out ahead of me. I also have the weekend to look forward to when I get to put on one of my old band shirts again, meet up with some friends and enjoy some (hopefully) excellent music at The Red Room. What could be better than that right now I ask?

Tuesday, 18 March 2008

Did you see the stylish kids?

I’ve only, within the last week or so discovered the Libertines (what, four years after they disbanded?)…and I’m in love. Pete and Carl are so pretty…so tall, thin, pale, bags under their eyes, and foul in every other regard. Even if they would have me, I wouldn’t touch them with the proverbial ten foot pole. Though I might consider it…Ah, the music, the poetry, the British accent. So I’ve been seriously slowing up the internet at work while I watch them on Youtube.

I’m a little troubled over my most recent infatuation with Pete Doherty. The man is seriously dodgy and I’m not entirely sure what it is I find attractive about him. I should be ashamed, I’m not. This is most assuredly an indication as to the state of my mental functioning right now. It isn't looking great.

Yvonne says that I'm spoiled. That's probably true. I'm spoiled, selfish, and mean, and I'm not pretty enough to get away with it. My hope is that I improve some day soon.

Pictures from Saint Patricks day. Bonny, Linky, her son, and I went to the pub for some Guiness refreshment, it is after all tradition, and who are we to mess with that? Who the hell was Saint Patrick... and what did he do that was so wonderful that warrants week long beer binges in his honour? Patron Saint of Ireland, no other saint has drunken festivals to their credit do they?

Thursday, 13 March 2008

Ooh, he cut me man.

Sitting at my desk yesterday, three workers come into my office unannounced shifting from foot to foot grinning at me across my desk. I’m so used to random people coming in off the street and staring at me and then mumbling something that goes a long the lines of ‘eeehhh, I WANT job’ (yeah, and I WANT smaller thighs and a bigger salary), so automatically I was feeling a little suspect of these men. The one, grinning widely at me extended his hand to shake mine and gave me a happy hello. I gave them an impatient, hello, yes, may I help you? Anyway, it turns out that they were here on an actual job and had been called in and I was snubbing them so badly. On their way out, the one man turned to me, huge smile, and said goodbye and wished me a pleasant day further. OUCH! Yes, yes, he is the bigger person. I tell you, it took a good couple of hours of me feeling horrible before I got over it and deemed that I ought to be extra nice to Esther and even some of the factory staff who usually piss me off quite severely.

Oh! VERY pretty foreign visitor just came in, why can’t we have more of those types? Clearly xenophobia is not one of my issues. Oh happy happy that I am going to Europe! Yes, I have problems; Yes, I’ll deal with them later.

I'm listening to INXS - Beautiful Girl...I can't hear it without recalling happy memories of a skinnier, frizzier and spottier 17 year old version of myself, dancing around in the lounge. Those were the days, the world seemed so much bigger back then, I lived in total awe...of everything!

Monday, 10 March 2008

Oooh the bells are ringing out...

It was a good weekend, with promise of a good week to come. Ooh, I bought myself a lovely army green satchel for my travels. Noleen will tell me it’s the same as my handbag, ugly and unfeminine, but hey, it’s me and I like it. Um, I should say plain and boyish, it’s not so harsh. Besides, what does Noleen know, I love my handbag and lots of people compliment me on it! So HA! Anyway, it (the new bag) is waterproofed on the inside, big enough to stuff all of my rubbish into as well as a woolly jumper for those chilly British summer days. AND…I can buy badges for it…oooh, it’s like my youth all over again!! I’m getting awfully excited. I almost feel as if I should photograph above mentioned satchel :) Not now...but soon...

Also, as you can probably pick up, I've given up on making my blog titles have anything to do with the subject. Henceforth, they shall be whatever lyric I am currently listening to or something along those lines. Awesome no?

Thursday, 6 March 2008

Strange days

Strange days have found us, or just me. Things are happening. Good things, bad things, exciting things…things that I knew would happen and will continue to happen because I let them. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to be doing really. There’s just a feeling of change around, days seem different.

I realized yesterday that if I have nothing else whilst in the UK / Europe, at least I will have foreign appeal. And that surely is better than nothing right? What a happy thought.

I’m adding some lovely pictures of Mr Iha, again for perving purposes. I’m following a theme har har.

I’m listening to the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, how cool is this chicky? In a scary sort of way. How awesome would it be to scream like that?