Friday, 30 May 2008

A picture blog - for my Nola

Here it is Nols, I said I'd post a few more pics so that you can ahem, enjoy, them too...

We went on this boat across Cardiff Bay to get to Penarth. The tour guide thought Andrew and I were Australian and gave us a talk on the area for the whole trip. I just wanted to enjoy the view really.
This is Penarth on the other side of Cardiff bay. We took a long walk along this excessively rocky 'beach' looking for the dinosaur footprints our so called tour guide had promised us. We found nothing except for a shell or two.I had to add this one...for obvious reasons...hahaha. This was on the beach at Penarth. Candace reckons I look very '70s...and I can't help but agree.
I just liked this pic...we were at a reservoir in the Brecon Beacons and it was really windy and cold. We flung rocks into the water to see who could make the biggest spash.
In the background you can see a train passing. I do like trains. Isn't it pretty? This was at the same reservoir.
Tintern Abbey. Some really old and pretty ruins. We came here as well in 2003 and spent a goodly amount of time just wandering around.
Again, Tintern Abbey, this time, from the parking lot...oooh. Andrew doesn't like this picture, but I do. The first evening in Wales, we went past the Roman Ampitheatre in Caerleon. Got verbally assulted by some young local girl. It was delightful.
The ampitheatre in Caerleon. It was fast approaching the night so the light isn't awesome.
Aaah, my favorite shot of Chepstow Castle. I leaned over a railing to get this...and the wind was blowing too, so I was really taking my life into my own hands here.
Chepstow Castle...from an archway.

Andrew at home in his South African shirt.
A bridge in the Brecon Beacons. It was built in 1866 I think, and is really was used to transport coal back in the it's just pretty and used for little else but it's looks. I know some people like that :)

Kerry feeling my leg in Dudley. Her and her friend Faye and I went to the Crooked House, an old farm house, now pub, that sank rather badly on one side due to mining in the area.
It makes you feel a little drunk...which could mean a rather cheap night out!
Me and Kerry on Derby Road, Worcester. We were waiting for her friend Samantha to pick us up and take us to Stratford-apon-Avon.
Oooh, it's Worcester cathedral. Very impressive and rather larger than I'd imagined.
A view of Worcester from a street overlooking the city.

A night out in Worcester. We went to Bushwackers...they have a whole load of different dance floors, and downstairs they play all the old cheesy songs...I sang along enthusiastically. It was awesome. I wasn't drunk.
Stratford-apon-Avon. Here Mr Shakespeare was born and grew up. We had a nice wander about his house.
Milton Keynes - the famous concrete cows. On closer inspection they are actually rather dissapointing as they look very little like cows and some don't even have faces anymore. Still, they had to be seen and photographed. It was wet...and a little bit cold.

And well, I just had to add this one as well, because I think I look like a well organized traveller...shades, Ipod and well...yes, I just liked this picture. Don't judge me.

Thursday, 29 May 2008

Bancroft - Milton Keynes

I took myself off to the Roman ruins in Milton Keynes this afternoon. And old farm and pond I believe it was. I sat there, surrounded by hedges, poppies and the ruins, listening to Damien Rice and old Metallica tunes…a more odd combination I couldn’t find. The sun was shining so amazingly and my legs turned pink through my trousers even.

It’s all alright. I can see the influence and the effect, caused without any sort of effort. Wow, and as the chorus rose, my heart rose along with it, right then, I was in awe and I was happy.

I think about the small things: a latte and a sandwich in the Starbucks in Cardiff, the rain, the excitement over my new cds, the post office and all the scenes where it all took place 10 years ago. 10 years ago when all I lived for was what came in the mail. Maybe these aren’t small things and instead, really big...monumental even.

We owe it to ourselves to try.

“and nothing else matters”

Wednesday, 28 May 2008

The 'Red way' to the bus stop.

It is my first day on my own in two weeks. It’s rather nice, just sorting through my stuff, doing some washing, listening to some music and trying to sort out the confusion which is running about in my head.

I know what I must do. For the last 11 years I’ve had all sorts of ‘what ifs’ and I can’t spend the next 11 years wondering the same things. So, one way or the other this is going to be put to the test and I will finally get my answer. Whatever happens, at least I will know. That counts for a lot.

I’m a little bit nervous about the daunting task of negotiating the scary public transport system. Leanne showed me the bus stop yesterday, explained it to me in baby words and then drew me a map. Today, I get to do it alone. Off to the city centre, the recruitment agencies and interviews. Thankfully Leanne’s John offered to pick me up when he had finished work. Bless him.

So I am all professional looking, suit, scarf, make-up and off I go to the bus stop! Oh please don’t let me get lost!

Sunday, 25 May 2008

4 days in Wales.

My last day in Wales. It's gone really well and we've managed to fit a whole load of stuff into just a few days. Over-tiredness does funny things to a person and after 3 great days last night was a bit crazy...what a roller-coaster ride. But then...I seem to like messy, drama and general chaos. Well no, I don't, but I do seem to find it! It's all good and today was spent sleeping in late, nursing a nasty headache and spending an afternoon in Cardiff getting some new music. Not that I have anything to play it on. Ha ha! I got to listen to the Babyshambles all the way back to Newport and sing a long...Whoohoo. In the morning it's off to Milton Keynes for least 2 hours of driving Andrew insane in the car with Pete's the simple pleasures that make life worthwhile.

Oh, I also had my first bit of Welsh hospitality. Walking around in the ampitheatre at Caerleon a local Welsh girl wanders around the corner, spots me, and walks back towards her friends proclaiming in a thick accent "Oh NO! There are F@*king tourists! "F@*king tourists". We made our escape quickly.

A few insights from the little time spent in this what they call Great Britain:

  • British boys are not as pretty as I first thought they might be. Small observation, I'm still hoping to be proved wrong on that :)

  • English / Welsh girls must spend half their lives frikken freezing judging by their night time attire. Why bother get dressed at all? Yes, when I have finally gotten used to the crappy weather, I too will go out to the pub in my underwear. Um...yeah...

  • I'm a whole lot more organized and clean than I ever gave myself credit for. I would have never called myself anal but I'm begining to question that now.

  • People never really ever change.

  • I'm tough as nails...all I need are some tattoos and piercings...would go awesomely with my gloves.

  • It's a bitch trying to find a beanie in the spring time. I'm going to be the only person in the UK with a hat all the way through summer (if I can find one). And that is ok.

  • When William Shakespeare married Anne Hathaway, he was only 18 and she was 26.

My first day in North Wales. We wandered into a cemetry and found these horsies. Spent a goodly amount of time breaking off grass and feeding them. Really, there was nothing else to do.
Tintern Abbey. This place is awesome and is on the Wye river in South Wales. Came here in 2003 as well. I could spend a whole lot more time just sitting at the river and looking around the ruins.
A walk along the Wye River. My new stripey brollie is cool. Probably should have gone for all black, but Kerry would have none of it. So colourful it had to be.

Chepstow castle. A pretty big castle with some scary stairs and frightening heights. What a great day out.

Monday, 12 May 2008


I’m so f*ing stupid. I’m kicking myself in the worst possible manner and tormenting myself in the nastiest way I can. Why on earth would any self respecting person do this to themselves? I’m on the brink of disaster. The very edge of doing one of the biggest things I’ve ever done…and I do THIS to myself. What the hell did I think it would come to? There I was, happily plotting the next few months of my life, totally blissful in my ignorance and not dwelling on anything unpleasant and then DAH DAH DAHMMMM…This. And I do it to myself. There’s a song like that…

“You do it to yourself,
you do
and that's what really hurts
You do it to yourself,
just you
you and no-one else”

Ah Radiohead. Some of the best slit-your-wrists music written by man. You have to wonder why we do it. I mean…is life so good and peachy for some musicians that they have to try bring it down a notch or two…or at least to some sort of normal respectable level of mediocrity? Or are they really just so damn sad that it’s painful for them to see any amounts of joy surrounding them and they have to bring us all down to their level? I don’t get it. I don’t get why I listen to it. I'm all messy and raw nerve endings.

Unfortunately for me, I now have to deal with my knowledge since my idyllic unawareness has been startled from its peaceful slumber. So I’m back to asking people how their days have been and avoiding any questions pertaining to what I suffer. Except of course for writing bitch blogs and changing my status on facebook to something negative. It’s the little things that help!

I really am a frikken loon aren’t I? I’m freaking myself out. Candace has NOTHING on this! C my friend, if you think you’re creepy…I can certainly give you some serious competition. I just need to whip out my spike studded wrist bands and the sinister music and I’m all set.

Wow…life seems so positive and I have a whole new one to live now. Everything is exactly as it’s meant to be. But here I sit agonizing over something stupid. I actually got to realize that there are people who care about me...I’ve never had this many calls, emails and visits in such a short space of time. Why is it so difficult to accept that people do sort of like me…every so often…

Saturday, 10 May 2008

Something Stupid

I have to say that I really wasn’t expecting any of this. Really, I’m still in shock. Good shock, but shock nonetheless. I’m playing with my new ipod and loving it…it is awesome and I’m in love. I’m christening it with some Regina Spektor, because it seems appropriate. Yes, I gulped down a few tears, yes, I’m going to be screwed up for a while but it’s been worth it. Ok, so sod stifling them, they deserve to be out too…and it feels good to let them go. Again.

Dammit, flippen feelings.

…And I’m a wreck.

It was all just too nice. ‘Nice’ in the best way it can be used. Words more appropriate than ‘nice’ fail me.

I’m going to prepare myself for round two of an emotion filled day now…get washed, napped, get the pain killers ready, make myself presentable to be seen by folk more decent than myself and join Nols for a night out.

I know I stand in line
Until you think you have the time
To spend an evening with me
And if we go someplace to dance
I know that there's a chance
You won't be leaving with me

Then afterwards we drop into a quiet little place
And have a drink or two
And then I go and spoil it all
By saying something stupid
Like I love you

Friday, 9 May 2008

Days I tell you...just days...

Each morning now I’m waking up with little butterflies in my stomach…it isn’t final, but why does it feel that way now? Yesterday, after all the unpleasantness had faded, turned out to be enjoyable. I got my Pounds, had a lovely brunch with me mommy and then spent the rest of the day with Yvonne. We went to my old school where Martin was playing soccer, sat on the pavilion and chatted a little. Ah Martin, bless…he’s so tall and thin and pale and he does this little gallop thing after the ball, at least it’s good exercise for him running up and down the field (I should probably be on the field too). And what parent WANTS their son to be like David Beckham anyway?? What a poef. I AM a doting aunt.

Tuesday, 6 May 2008

Cheers darlin'

It’s next week. Next week I’m packing my suitcase and I’m saying goodbye to my family. I’m not looking at this as permanent, but it’s still starting to hurt. Nols visit earlier really helped bring this on…sitting in the kitchen with tea, her face just crumpled, and I couldn’t deal with it. Man, but I needed to gulp down hard to keep it together. I can almost deal with everything else, but Nols…

So I sit here now, torturing myself with the saddest music, letting the tears run and indulging myself in every bitter-sweet emotion, more bitter than sweet right now.

I’m so eager to get on that airplane and have some new experiences and see my friends, but it’s so difficult to pack up my life here. It’s not been much, but it was mine and it was comfortable and easy. I’m not that brave!!


Why would I listen to Damien Rice at a time like this? Why is it so easy to forget the bad and remember the good when looking back? There was so much good…but it just was not right from the start…why did I choose to ignore that? So I go away now, but it's just me and Nola that cries.

“She broke down the other day, yeah you know
Some things in life may change
And some things they stay the same
Like time, there's always time
On my mind
So pass me by, I'll be fine
Just give me time”

Damien Rice

Saturday, 3 May 2008

The ultimate nature of reality.

Ah man…I thought that I would be able to handle all of this easily…but one night of no sleep, a bottle or so of pink wine and some heavily drugged up blokes and a girl and I’m finished. Add to that a chest cold, and that I’m going away for two years and everything is changing all at once and what you get is a wrecked Karen. Emotionally and physically. But I will cope...soldier on.

But gooey sentimentality and emotions aside…here are some pictures from the last few days…Ashley’s sixth birthday lunch with the family and a lovely outing to the zoo.

----------------The tall side of (Yvonnes) family---------------

Ashley got some awesome 'Magnetix' for her birthday...I had to fight her for them. She won.
----------------------Not a gnu to be seen----------------------

Hah…I’m having a giggle over the other night still. That was fun even though I am still paying the price of it today. Candace, Sheriff Drew, Don Ron, Lulu, Uncle Peter and you other blokes…you guys are crazy!

The answer to the question on Thursday night was: Metaphysics, a branch of philosophy dealing with the ultimate nature of reality. Now you know. Unfortunatley, I've forgotten the context of the question. It's those little black holes in my memory again.

Metaphysical – adjective

1. pertaining to or of the nature of metaphysics.
2. Philosophy.
a. concerned with abstract thought or subjects, as existence, causality, or truth.
b. concerned with first principles and ultimate grounds, as being, time, or substance.
3. highly abstract, subtle, or abstruse.
4. designating or pertaining to the poetry of an early group of 17th-century English poets, notably John Donne, whose characteristic style is highly intellectual and philosophical and features intensive use of ingenious conceits and turns of wit.