Monday, 12 May 2008

JUST.

I’m so f*ing stupid. I’m kicking myself in the worst possible manner and tormenting myself in the nastiest way I can. Why on earth would any self respecting person do this to themselves? I’m on the brink of disaster. The very edge of doing one of the biggest things I’ve ever done…and I do THIS to myself. What the hell did I think it would come to? There I was, happily plotting the next few months of my life, totally blissful in my ignorance and not dwelling on anything unpleasant and then DAH DAH DAHMMMM…This. And I do it to myself. There’s a song like that…

“You do it to yourself,
you do
and that's what really hurts
You do it to yourself,
just you
you and no-one else”

Ah Radiohead. Some of the best slit-your-wrists music written by man. You have to wonder why we do it. I mean…is life so good and peachy for some musicians that they have to try bring it down a notch or two…or at least to some sort of normal respectable level of mediocrity? Or are they really just so damn sad that it’s painful for them to see any amounts of joy surrounding them and they have to bring us all down to their level? I don’t get it. I don’t get why I listen to it. I'm all messy and raw nerve endings.

Unfortunately for me, I now have to deal with my knowledge since my idyllic unawareness has been startled from its peaceful slumber. So I’m back to asking people how their days have been and avoiding any questions pertaining to what I suffer. Except of course for writing bitch blogs and changing my status on facebook to something negative. It’s the little things that help!

I really am a frikken loon aren’t I? I’m freaking myself out. Candace has NOTHING on this! C my friend, if you think you’re creepy…I can certainly give you some serious competition. I just need to whip out my spike studded wrist bands and the sinister music and I’m all set.

Wow…life seems so positive and I have a whole new one to live now. Everything is exactly as it’s meant to be. But here I sit agonizing over something stupid. I actually got to realize that there are people who care about me...I’ve never had this many calls, emails and visits in such a short space of time. Why is it so difficult to accept that people do sort of like me…every so often…

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